I know it has been several weeks since I last posted here. These weeks were filled with sadness in our house as we made the decision that my Father-in-law, who has been afflicted with Alzheimer’s for the last four years, could no longer live at home with his wife of fifty-three years, and must move to a facility where he can be cared for by trained professionals. It came after months of deliberating and denial. He is moving to a place near his home with views of his beloved Puget Sound; things will be completed this week.

Both my parents died quickly, my Father, four days after complaining of not feeling well, had a massive heart attack. A few years later, my Mother caught pneumonia and passed away a week later. My brother and sister and I had no time to grieve beforehand, no time to prepare ourselves. Which is a better way? Instant change or, like my husband and in-laws, knowing this was coming for literally years? I think it is different for everyone, I could not choose how my parents died, only my response to the hand I was dealt. So this is all new to me, the slow death of Alzheimer’s. It’s the gift that keeps on taking.

My husband, an only child, has been hit with moments of such sadness that he can barely breathe. He mourns for the Father he knew, but is now largely gone, and breaks down as he negotiates the contract with the facility, understanding he is truly an adult now, and holds the fate of his Father’s future in his hands. I have asked my heart for guidance, listened for that small still voice to tell me what is the best course of action. I have watched the entire first season of Downton Abbey, twice, and I have cooked my husband’s favorite dinners and held him.

This week as the proper clothes are bought, the few personal, hopefully recognizable items are packed, I will try to live from my heart, forget the past petty grievances I had with my father-in-law, and do what I can to support my husband and his family to make this transition. I know my heart will guide me, even as it is breaking.

My firm belief is that God reveals himself daily to every human being, but we shut our ears to that “still small voice.”
Mohandas Gandhi